I wish I never knew love

To know love is to know pain 

To know a blade slicing through all the layers 

The blood dripping from my hips 

The late nights in my bathtub 

Filled with tears and gallons of blood 

Cold, wet, sticky hair 

Wishing that someone would intervene and take on this burden 

Knowing that nothing will be enough and i will always fall short 

Questioning every interaction and thread 

 

So I continue 

Left to right, left to right 

I slice, slice, slice 

Hoping to overpower this sorrow with pain 

With blood 

With peace

 

Eventually I’ll lose enough 

And the worlds will blur together

Finally surrounded by darkness 

encompassing my soul and granting my hearts desire

I pray and pray that I will be able to leave peacefully 

And that my loved ones won’t mourn too long 

That they will be able to continue living as if I never existed 

Because I’ve always been a shadow person, never in the forefront 

But even in death my shadows will roam 

 

See I’ll always be there, even if it’s in a padded casket, 6 feet under 

Rotting for eternity

But, I’ll finally know peace 

Solitude and consistency 

Granted to me by powers beyond me 

 

I just want to rest peacefully 

Free from burdens and shackles

Free from this thing called love 

I hear freedom calling 

I hear the bells ringing