Photo by Jermaine Hudson
By Justin Isaiah Iriarte
Like many, I enjoy my time alone. I relish and rely on it even. Before starting my first year at NC State, I faced the fact that because socializing is hard and being a student is exhausting enough, balancing those things would be impossible. I was content with my introverted tendencies and was ready to live my life in solitude — that is until I realized how boring it is to listen to your own thoughts.
Understanding that university life is not something that should be done alone, I tried to put myself out there. Unfortunately, possessing a certain level of social anxiety did not aid in the process of finding my place at NC State. It also wasn’t ideal that I came to North Carolina from out of the country, but I figured, “There’s no way my mom is going to let me come back home now,” so I knew I had to make it work and find my path.
It started out small. Sitting next to the same people in class every day, making affirming smiles at passersby, anything I could do to make myself seem just a little bit more friendly. My favorite trick is to always carry mints and gum in my backpack to offer to someone who might appreciate the gesture. After all, it’s always the basic pleasantries that people remember.
Now it’s time to make a move, and that means small talk. “What’s your major? Where do you live? Where are you from? Did you do the homework? It’s really nice out today, right?” These will stay in a student’s question repertoire for their entire academic career, which is the reason many of us hate trying to meet new people. Though it may feel routine and robotic, if you listen closely and work toward a connection you never know what may come of it. Small talk seems trivial, but that’s all it is: small talk leads to bigger conversations. If you can do that, there’s nothing that can hold you back. Something as little as learning someone’s major, their hometown or what they did this past weekend could mean the difference between a meaningless exchange (which are still perfectly valid conversations to have) to finding common ground that you would never have found out about otherwise.
You just have to understand that sometimes people aren’t in the right place to make friends. Knowing that others won’t always be in the same place in life as you is crucial to forming new relationships. However, that doesn’t give you an excuse to assume that no one else will be because one person isn’t a good fit for you. Being open to new connections doesn’t mean they’ll always fall in your lap, but they’re out there for you to discover.
Drawbacks that prevent being social obviously exist and it’s just something to work around. One extremely prevalent topic regarding the social awareness of students that is incredibly hard to ignore is our generation’s tendency to walk everywhere with headphones on. I will admit that I am guilty of this myself. We all know it feels nice to lose focus just to get from point A to point B, but I will argue that this is a major flaw of the modern age and is actively working toward the social disconnect that affects us all. When we all shut ourselves off, fail to soak in the natural sights and sounds of life and distract ourselves from the social interactions that we’re so afraid to have, no personal growth is being made. With this being a loaded topic in itself, the least I can say is, to put the phone/music away sometimes, live in the moment and you may realize what you’ve been missing out on.
No one says finding community is easy. The sooner you realize that the easier it’ll be to break out of your shell and understand what the power of conversation and socializing has on a fulfilling university career. Having lunch in Talley should be accompanied by the presence, conversations and jokes with friends. Most walks around campus should be filled with the sound of other students going about their day, not just your playlist that you spend way too much time listening to. Being a student at NC State should feel like the best time of your life, not like a day stuck on UNC’s campus.
If you take any of the advice in this article, remember this: enjoy yourself. Everyone is in the same boat as you, and you’ll find your place. If I — a teenager who moved here from another country with a low social battery and an exhausting amount of social anxiety — can understand what it means to put myself out there, I believe anyone can.